Write It Into Existence

My essay got published!

Drumroll, please… I wrote an essay for Runner’s World!

Hey, it’s me running the New York City Marathon!

However, it’s behind a paywall. Unless you’re a Runner’s World+ member, you’ll probably only be able to read the first paragraph.

I’m bummed I can’t share the essay with many people who were excited to read it. There’s a bit of a feeling like, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

But I understand publications (and writers!) need to make money, and this, in addition to selling ads, is how they do it. I got paid to write the essay, so it’s only fair RW gets paid for people to read it.

If you want to use your imagination to try to envision what I wrote, the editor I worked with said the essay was “just wonderful” and “inspiring” but also “very sad.” Think of a collection of words that’s all those things, then make it about ten times better than whatever you’re picturing, and you’ve basically read it. 🤣

I’m just grateful for the opportunity. Now that I’ve published something, it feels less daunting to pitch ideas to other publications. I can point to this byline and say, “Look, I can actually write!” And I’ve pitched several more ideas without breaking a sweat. Progress!

The funny thing about this essay is that it required me to list my occupation. I thought about writing “unemployed wannabe author,” but I went with “freelance writer” instead. And the very moment it was published, that became true. ❤️

I have to thank my freelance fairy godmother, Emilia Benton, for giving me her expert pitching tips and sharing a specific email address with me so my pitch didn’t disappear into the godforsaken black hole of a generic submissions inbox. It always helps to know someone who knows someone, and I want to be very transparent about that.

Before you start thinking I’m too pleased with myself for this achievement, just know the universe is keeping me humble. The same day I discovered my essay got published, I received another rejection of my book proposal from a literary agent. Lol!

I almost forgot about the ten query letters I sent back in March. I wrote them off (no pun intended) long ago. I’m on my platform-building game now, and several steps away from querying again.

Don’t do drugs

Except when they give you great ideas!

Cannabis is perfectly legal in Washington state, so don’t come for me. I recently tried what was described to me as a “creativity boosting” edible, and boy, did it deliver.

I filled my Notes app with an extensive vision for my next steps. It included a platform-building plan (with content pillars!), stories to pitch, and lots of ideas for how to eventually attract the attention of a particular literary agent and publisher for my book.

As I wrote, I felt energized and inspired. It was like I was identifying the steps of a plan that was always ready to unfold, but hadn’t yet been set in motion. I could see the domino effect of how doing this, this, and this would lead me to my ultimate goal, and I felt certain I could do it.

The next day, long after the edible had worn off, I reviewed what I’d dreamed up and still believed it was a productive and likely successful plan—but my confidence in myself wavered. I started thinking about all the the things I’d need to overcome: the barriers, the insecurities, the what-ifs.

I am forever my own biggest obstacle.

If I had a friend with the exact same goals and ideas for reaching them, I’d have 100% faith in her and be cheering her on so hard. I’m lucky to have lots of people in my life who are doing just that for me. I need to treat myself like they treat me, like I’d treat any one of them. I need to be a better friend to myself.

The only way to overcome self-doubt? Do it anyway.

Discipline and commitment are the keys to my success in training for marathons and working out nearly every morning. I don’t wait for motivation. When I commit to a process, belief in myself follows.

Just like I’d commit to a training program to make incremental progress toward a daunting goal, I’m committing to taking small steps each day that will get me closer to publishing my book.

There are so many ways I can create opportunities for myself: sending pitches, submitting essays to columns and contests, sharing bits of my story on social media, connecting with people who are connected to the people I ultimately want to connect with, etc. What if I create five small opportunities for myself each day? Over time, that would amount to 25 opportunities a week; 100 opportunities a month; 1,200 opportunities a year.

Five opportunities a day is a lofty goal, but two or three? Totally doable. And that still adds up to a lot more opportunities than I’ve given myself over the past six months.

It’s tempting to think there is one big, juicy opportunity out there that will help me achieve my goal—and that may be the case—but more likely, it’ll be the compounded effort of pursuing many opportunities, the result of grinding over many months or years.

So that’s what I’ll be doing.

The content of this newsletter may pivot a bit to more creative writing, since “I sent 15 pitches this week and got zero responses!” could get boring. Who knows? Now that I’m running with edible-induced ideas, this rollercoaster could go way off the rails! 🎢